Even Event Planners Need an Event Planner Sometimes!

July 30, 2025

I’ve been an event planner for 25 years and have organized dozens of weddings, parties, and celebrations of life. 

So following the death of my husband, Jim, of course I planned the memorial myself. 

We hosted the event at our Bay Area home in mid-November. I mapped out the side yard with high top tables near where the musician would perform. I set up the caterer on the driveway so guests could dine under the wisteria-covered gazebo in case of rain. I arranged for parking at a nearby school and borrowed a golf cart so my teenage granddaughter and her friend could ferry guests to and from the house–much to their delight! My son made a montage of family pictures and I dug up a video from Jim’s bank retirement party. At that event, we had a giant chocolate fountain, a trendy novelty at the time, where adults and children alike enjoyed dipping marshmallows, shortbread cookies, pieces of pound cake, and chunky fruit. So I tracked down one just like it for Jim’s memorial service–no easy task, but our grandkids noticed and were touched. Everything was perfectly planned. 

That was, until the little hiccups that happen at every event started to occur. 

The one thing I hadn’t accounted for was my own emotional capacity on the day of Jim’s ceremony. I forgot that planning a party and hosting a party are two separate things, both of them full-time jobs. 

When I’m working, I am in the background managing everything–tracking down a late cake, redirecting a wandering grandmother, or advising the father-of-the-bride what to say in his toast. I have a checklist, called a timeline, that I’m constantly reviewing. My job is to smoothly put out any fires so that the bride, or whoever is in the spotlight, can enjoy their day. 

This time, however, I was the one in the spotlight. 

Everyone wanted to talk to me and share a memory about Jim. Some people had come from out of state and I hadn’t seen them in years. My mind was on all of my guests, 100 close family and friends. My mind was not on the video or the parking. One part of me was running down my task list and the other part was needing to be with everyone who had come to celebrate my husband. And that part had to win. 

So I put down my timeline and put away my cell phone, which meant that a few things slipped by the wayside. I had envisioned setting up the slideshow in the living room where everyone would see it, but I was not available to consult on that, and in the end, the retirement party video never got set up at all. I neglected to have the musician read the heartfelt message from a local celebrity friend who couldn’t be there that day. And, most importantly, I missed all the calls from the people who were stranded in the wrong area of the school parking lot.  

I had made all the right plans, but I needed someone else to execute them. Had I just shared my timeline with another event planner, that person could have dealt with all of these hiccups so I could connect with my guests and share in all the special memories. 

And here is the lesson for everyone reading this.

If you think you already know how to throw a party (or your mother or you best friend does), ask yourself: “Do I want to work my event or enjoy it?” In the weeks leading up to an event, letting someone else track the invitations and negotiate with the caterers will free you up to do the things you really want to do. Perhaps that’s making a slideshow or creating personal party favors. Or maybe just doing whatever makes you feel the most relaxed you can be on your day. 

Did Jim’s memorial turn out just fine? Yes, the girls eventually discovered all the guests happily making friends in the wrong part of the parking lot and ferried everyone to the house in the golf cart. I received lots of compliments about what a lovely, personal event it was. Most people never noticed any of these little hiccups. But I did. And that’s why even an event planner needs to hire a professional sometimes. 

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